I was having a really hard time last week. Feeling really down. I wasn't sleeping - not sure if the lack of sleep brought out the emotions, or if the emotions caused me to have trouble sleeping. Plus I got my updated driver's license with my maiden name, and now I am procrastinating about changing it back with my bank, work, etc
Last Monday (May 20) was Victoria Day, so we had a long weekend. I loved having the extra day off of work, but last year was when everything started to go down hill with my marriage. I broke my ankle on the May long weekend, and I was feeling crappy all weekend while camping with our friends (which we found out later was due to my gallbladder). Either May 25 or the Friday after that (June 1), was when my ex cheated on me. May 31 was when I was admitted to the hospital for my gallbladder.
It's not a period of time that I really want to relive, but memories kept popping in my head.
Fortunately my BFF Kristine texted me on Saturday, and we ended up going shopping together. Retail therapy made me feel better, plus spending time with an awesome friend. I ended up buying a new spring/summer/rain jacket. It was originally $120.00, already marked 50% off, and then it was an additional 30% off - so I got it for $42.00. Score! Plus it is pretty and blue and two sizes smaller than my fall jacket. It's a pinch tight in the chesticle area, but the next size up was way too big. I also bought a new swim suit, which was 50% off. I love buying clothes on sale. It makes me happy.
I have been trying to distract myself from over thinking the past,
and doing the whole "what if I had done this. . . . " crap that also
keeps running through my head. My youngest brother fixed up my bike,
and so I had taken it out for a couple of spins. It was rainy and cool
this weekend, but I am committed to getting out for a ride and some
fresh air at least two times this week.
The other way I
have been keeping my mind preoccupied is watching television.
Specifically The West Wing right now. CTS started airing the episodes,
but I have seasons 1 through 5 on DVD. So I pulled out my collection
and started watching. I am now on season 3. On the weekend I also
bought seasons 6 and 7 because they were on sale for $40 for the two of
them together. I still find it intelligent and funny, I love the
raid-fire dialogue, and the complicated & hard-hitting political
story lines. Plus the banter between Josh & Donna is extremely
entertaining. I even sucked my brother into watching the episodes with
Even though I am struggling emotionally, I am getting close to reaching some of my current weight loss goals. Early 2011 was the last time that I was attending Weight Watcher meetings on a regular basis. I lost almost 20 pounds before I let life get in the way again and stopped following the program. So in March of 2011 I was 290, right now I am 291.8, so close to my first goal of being below 290. Along with that, once I get to 289.8, I will have lost 25 pounds since I started back with Weight Watchers in November. Then my 10% goal is 283.8. After that my next big goal is to be below 273. In August of 2010, right before the wedding, I got down to 273. These smaller goals help me break up my weight loss so that it is not overwhelming.
It will only get better from here. I know there will still be some more dark days, but there is more sunshine in my future.