Monday, March 19, 2012

Emotional Quicksand

We had a St. Patrick's Day party on Saturday.  We put up a few decorations we found at the dollar store and wore funny hats plus green clothes.

It was fun at first.  I made green cupcakes with green icing, which were delicious.  A friend brought over a bunch of hamburgers and we threw them on the BBQ (love that it was warm enough to do that). 

The whole group was together again - including us that is 5 couples.  I cannot remember when we were last all together like this.  There was one evening in September, maybe another one in December.  Of course L&J brought their 7 month old twins, who I adore.  A&L are pregnant, just 6.5 weeks along but they had an IUI so we all knew when she got the positive test.  I actually did not think that she would come, the newly pregnant one, and of course she did have to complain a bit, but I could get over that. 

What blindsided me was that G&D are 18 weeks and had not told anyone.  A little bit understandable as I think this is pregnancy #4 after multiple miscarriages.  What makes me question this is that G was diagnosed with ALS this fall.  Also known as Lou Gehrig's disease - it is fatal - and for 80% of cases that is with 2 to 5 years. 

This is where my emotions go all wacky.  How does this couple end up being the ones that are going to have a baby in August?  A child that most likely will not remember his/her own mother.  I should not judge, but my heart is speaking before my head (at least to myself), and I just do not understand. 

So I was hanging out with 2 pregnant women, and the mother of twins, and I also found out about two other August/September babies this weekend.  One is a co-worker and the other is a University friend.  I am happy for all of them, but I am also hurting for me. 

We are coming up on the 3rd anniversary of TTC - 3 years since I took my last birth control pill.  I should have a toddler or baby of mine own to hold while I hear about the happy news of other couples.  It's hard because part of the reason for our IF is that I use my defensive mechanism of procrastination.  If I had just stuck to WW last year I would be that much closer to being pregnant, if not pregnant already. 

So my emotions are dragging me down a bit today.


  1. Why is it that those announcements always come one on top of the other? They always seem to come in bunches.

    I am so sorry that this has jumped out to bite you right now. Sending ((hugs)) and prayers for peace of mind and heart for you.

  2. Hello! I'm here from ICLW. February and March are always hard because September and October are the most popular birth months. That means people got busy over the holidays and begin to announce in February or March. Crazy, isn't? Best of luck!