There is just no getting around it, today sucks. It should be my third wedding anniversary. Instead I am separated and will eventually be divorced. Last year was also horrible. The long weekend was when my ex admitted to cheating on me in May, and on my actual anniversary I had lunch with one of our gang of friends that knew about the infidelity before me.
I know in the long run it is better that we ended our
marriage. He obviously had no respect
for me and our relationship. I still do
not understand why he cheated on me with the neighbour? Why he would start sending naked pictures of
himself to his new co-worker only a couple of weeks after telling me he had sex
with someone else? I look back at early 2012 and I thought were were happy. I know he was not satisfied with his job, but that was normal for him. We also had three close friends that were pregnant while we were struggling to conceive. Still, why would he not talk to me about how he was feeling? Running away from your problems is not a solution.
I am thankful that we did not have a house and kids to make
the separation more complicated. It is
still a difficult and bad situation. I
just do not recognize him as the man I fell in love with five years ago. He hurt me deeply and I am trying not to be
jaded. I want to be able to trust
people. If I can’t move forward, then he
wins. I will not let him keep me down.
I still have him as a friend on Facebook, but I did turn off
his updates in my newsfeed. I admit that I check on his page once in a while, but not that often. We have not talked since July 31 and it doesn't bother me. Why would I want to hear from him anyway?
I am a little sad today. It's more about feeling like a failure. I do wonder if there is anything I could have done to end up with a different result. A part of me knows this is not my fault. I was committed to our marriage. You can't force someone to make the right decisions. I can't go back and change my actions and reactions.
Some good things came out of the whole situation. I moved back home to my family and friends - spending more time with them is awesome. I am loving my new position at work (the actual job itself and the fact I am making more money). I am truly back on track with my weight loss and not being derailed by cheap wing nights and drunken weekend parties. I don't have to deal with his drinking, his inability to hold down a job and his financial ineptitude.