Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Un-Anniversary

There is just no getting around it, today sucks.  It should be my third wedding anniversary.  Instead I am separated and will eventually be divorced.  Last year was also horrible.  The long weekend was when my ex admitted to cheating on me in May, and on my actual anniversary I had lunch with one of our gang of friends that knew about the infidelity before me. 

I know in the long run it is better that we ended our marriage.  He obviously had no respect for me and our relationship.  I still do not understand why he cheated on me with the neighbour?  Why he would start sending naked pictures of himself to his new co-worker only a couple of weeks after telling me he had sex with someone else?  I look back at early 2012 and I thought were were happy.  I know he was not satisfied with his job, but that was normal for him.  We also had three close friends that were pregnant while we were struggling to conceive.  Still, why would he not talk to me about how he was feeling?  Running away from your problems is not a solution.

I am thankful that we did not have a house and kids to make the separation more complicated.  It is still a difficult and bad situation.  I just do not recognize him as the man I fell in love with five years ago.  He hurt me deeply and I am trying not to be jaded.  I want to be able to trust people.  If I can’t move forward, then he wins.  I will not let him keep me down.

I still have him as a friend on Facebook, but I did turn off his updates in my newsfeed.  I admit that I check on his page once in a while, but not that often.  We have not talked since July 31 and it doesn't bother me.  Why would I want to hear from him anyway?

I am a little sad today.  It's more about feeling like a failure.  I do wonder if there is anything I could have done to end up with a different result.  A part of me knows this is not my fault.  I was committed to our marriage.  You can't force someone to make the right decisions.  I can't go back and change my actions and reactions. 

Some good things came out of the whole situation.  I moved back home to my family and friends - spending more time with them is awesome.  I am loving my new position at work (the actual job itself and the fact I am making more money).  I am truly back on track with my weight loss and not being derailed by cheap wing nights and drunken weekend parties.  I don't have to deal with his drinking, his inability to hold down a job and his financial ineptitude. 



  1. None of this is your fault, and there's nothing you could have done to prevent his actions. It's just who he is..... he's the one who has a problem, and he just keeps repeating the same patterns of self-destructive behaviour.

    I'm betting he probably cheated on his first wife, too, and will continue to flirt (among other things) with other women now that he's in another relationship.

    It's not you who failed, it's him. He had a good thing with you, and then he continually screwed it up.

    His loss is your (and another man's) gain!

  2. Wow, Ren. There is so much power in this post. So much freedom even. I am so sorry that you were betrayed in such an intimate, irreparable way. That pain must go so, so, so deep. And at the same time, you seemed to already be triumphing. I so hope that you are in a good place now and moving toward seeing your dreams fulfilled. Looking forward to following you from here on out.