Monday, March 24, 2014

I Am Important

image courtesy EpiphanysCorner on Etsy - quote by Kathleen Stockett, The Help    
It's true what Aibileen says to Mae Mobley in "The Help" - and I too am kind, smart and important.  Somehow I forgot some of this while being married to my jerk ex-husband.

I have been reading a blog about cheating spouses (Chump Lady) and as a result I have come to a few realizations: 
I am never going to know all the "whys" - why he frequented pornography sites, why he exchanged naked pictures with numerous women, why he slept with the 20 year old neighbour, why he started an emotional (that I am sure turned physical) affair with his new co-worker.
It doesn't matter.  All I would get from him is most likely a bunch of lies.  He cheated because he could.  It's not complicated.  He sucks and there is nothing I can do to change that.  All I can do is move on with my life.   
When looking back, although I try to keep that to a minimum, I can see that I was quite different from the other women he "dated".  I am smart.  I have a university degree and an after degree.  Sure, I don't actually work in either of the fields I studied (psychology and education) - but I am not the only one, not by a long shot.  I love reading, intelligent television shows, well written-thought provoking movies, and strategic board games.  It's not my problem that he could not keep up with my quirky mind.
Another way that I am different is that I didn't need "saving".  I was not a single mother fighting to make ends meet.  I was not in an abusive relationship prior to meeting my ex.  I was naive about relationships, and so I would not be surprised if he enjoyed being the first man I dated longer than a few weeks, the first man I told that I loved, the first man I moved in with, etc.  Eventually I think he no longer felt superior and actively sought out situations to feed his ego.

I am more of a home body, the type of person who enjoys binge watching a new television show or just relaxing on the couch while finishing up a good book.  I don't need to be socially active every night of the week.  I like my alone time.  I would say that I am more introverted than extroverted - I don't like that feeling of walking into a new situation where I am not sure what is expected of me - and I am happier with a small group of close friends.  I can enjoy just the quiet, peacefulness of a walk in the park.  It was odd to me how he could not keep still and needed to be so active.

Of course it was his charm and charismatic personality that attracted me to him in the first place - but really I am looking for someone quieter.  Someone who is a little geeky, a little nerdy, and has a kind heart.  I have started to put myself out there with online dating, but mostly I am just going to have fun and not worry - not give into the fear of "new things".  

I am worth it, and that is all that counts.

image courtesy




  1. Absolutely you are. You are all of those and more. xo.

  2. Fabulous post. And you nailed it perfectly in that you were essentially too good for him all along.

  3. Here from Creme de la Creme 2014... I love that quote Aibileen says to counteract the harm done by that mother (I am missing names but you know what I mean). It is a powerful message, especially after being betrayed in that manner, which can seem to strip you of so much dignity and feelings of worth. I have been in shoes similar to yours, and it sucks. Good for you to stick to your mantra, because it's true--you're smart, you're independent, you're strong, and you're way too good for someone who would treat you with such disrespect. I wish you all the best in your new adventures where you can have the life you absolutely deserve!

  4. Creme de la Creme brought me here too. You ARE worth it. And you sound very cool!