So back to the intense conversations that I had with my husband on Saturday night.
The reason I wrote about his ex-wife and step daughter is that emotionally he is still messed up about how everything ended up. He feels guilty for walking away from the little girl, but he also feels like AM ripped her away from him. Unfortunately because he is not her biological father and he never adopted her, he has no legal rights to be able to see AR. It sucks.
One of the ways that this has impacted him psychologically is that he rarely ejaculates during sex. Also, lately we have not been having sex at all. Mostly because I feel fat and not sexy at all, and with his back issues I do not want to hurt him.
He is worried that I will leave him if we can't have children together. I think that there are a lot of avenues to discuss before we have to worry about not ever being parents. He is able to finish himself off - so I am going to talk to him about at home insemination once I lose a few pounds.
2012 will be about getting healthy mentally and physically.