Friday, December 21, 2012


I keep playing the "What If" game.

Questioning and going over every moment in our relationship.

Would it change where we are now?  Maybe.  But I don't have a time machine and I am not a magical being, so I have to accept the here and now.

Back in May, I wrote about how I found a bunch of flirty texts between my husband and the next door neighbour.  I thought that it was just numerous inappropriate messages and some making out - but turns out he got really drunk and had sex with her one time.  I am still not sure if it was the Friday we had her over for dinner after I broke my ankle (What If I confronted him about how uncomfortable I was with their "friendship" earlier), or the next one when I was in the hospital.  Doesn't matter.  He says he had no feelings for her, it was just a drunken mistake.  Um, were you drunk every time you texted her or gave her a ride to work?

I think I knew deep down they slept together.  I remember going to bed early on the Friday we had her over because I was not feeling good (What If I told her to go home), and I cried myself to sleep because I wished my husband would tell her to go home and take care of me.

My husband went with AM to a concert, put on by our friends G & O with the band.  He of course got drunk, and told G about cheating on me (What If he never told G).  He was an asshole and bragged about it.  G felt awful, told O, which I understand because she is his wife.  Then he told AM?  Who went and told J & L.  None of them stopped to think, maybe I should talk to his wife (Me)?  Instead they stopped inviting us to get-togethers.  They gossiped and talked about us behind our backs for 11 weeks.  September long weekend they finally confronted my husband and said that if he didn't talk to me, they would.  Um it took you 11 weeks?  My husband ended up telling me all about it that night.  By the end of the weekend 7 other people knew about the infidelity.  I felt exposed and hurt.

The girls tried to talk to me.  We had dinner once.  All I got out of it was that E was too occupied with being very pregnant (which actually I understand and do not fault her for), L somehow made it about her own parent's marriage?, O gave me some books and such to turn to.  We were going to spend more time together but it never happened (What If we had all made a better effort to spend time together).

Then I guess L told K - one of my bridesmaids - about the cheating.  She has been friends with my husband for over 10 years.  Somehow K also made this about her, and started lying about how she was the reason for my husband's first marriage breaking up? (What If my husband stopped trying to remain friends with his ex's?)  Um, he had never said anything like this to me.  Yes, he slept with K, but it was after he separated with his ex.  Even if it wasn't, the marriage was a mess.  His drinking was an issue back then.  She was not the reason they separated. 

L took K's side (What If K knew that E was questioning the paternity of her youngest?).  Whatever.  K was never really a friend.  She helped my husband get his divorce finalized (she works for lawyers), and helped pick my wedding date, and she was there when we got engaged - but the night before she tried to convince him not to do it?  She helped me find my wedding dress, she was a part of the wedding party, but she kept putting down my maid of honour? 

I don't know what really happened that made her decide to delete myself and my husband off facebook, and stop texting my husband too, because she never talked to either one of us (What If K texted my husband before she cut us out of her life?).  All I got was a couple of sentences from L about how K was mad at us, and the remark about how we told people that she was the reason his first marriage broke up?  I just feel it was really immature.  And it just confused me.

So now not only do I feel betrayed by my husband, but I also feel like none of my friends had my back.

I can't wait to spend time with my family and my best friend.  They all definitely support me 100%.  I also just wanted to thank all my online friends as they also have sent me messages and even that small bit makes me feel a little less alone.


  1. What a fucking mess....the what-ifs will really kill you. You have to stick with your first thought 'i don't have a time machine'. You have to find a forward direction to move and do it. I can't tell you what that is.
    Can you and your husband get past this? Maybe. Can you and your friends get past this? Maybe.
    Those are all decisions you have to make. But try not to dwell on the past (something I am famous for BTW). Push yourself forward by whatever means is necessary.

  2. Wow. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. But all of this really, really sucks. I hope that good things are right around the corner for you.